5 Things I Learned From My Betrayal

Dr. Debi Silber
3 min readMar 10, 2021

Rebuilding is always a choice. After a painful experience with betrayal, you have the option to rebuild yourself and move on, or if the situation lends itself — if you’re willing and if you want to, you may have the option to rebuild an entirely new relationship with the person who hurt you. Either way, betrayal is a powerful wake-up call telling us change is needed and underway.

Trauma is the setup for transformation. You can either stay within the roadblock of your betrayal or you can create a new plan and set yourself up for new opportunities and greatness. I learned a lot from my betrayal (I talk about it in my TEDx: Do You Have Post Betrayal Syndrome?) and I want to show you that there’s a bright side that will inspire you to lead the life YOU want to lead.

Now, before I dive into the lessons — I want to reiterate that I am not saying to skip the part where it hurts or the part where you want to cry, scream at the top of your lungs, even consider revenge (although that’s never a healthy or empowering option) or stay under the covers because there are too many painful emotions to deal with. I’m not suggesting you run from any of the painful feelings and emotions that must be addressed in order to move past the tremendous pain that betrayal creates. I am not dismissing the hurt, this is deep trauma and it needs to be healed from all of the areas it impacted us-physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s devastating and the shock and trauma it creates are real.

What I am saying is, to not get stuck in anger, frustration, and injustice. So to help, here are 5 ideas to keep in mind that will lead you out of pain and into growth, a renewed sense of happiness, and confidence.

  1. Don’t Plant New Roots Within Your Betrayal

As much as it doesn’t seem like an opportunity at that moment, it absolutely is. Get to know yourself again. You have the opportunity to gain new confidence and new opportunities if you don’t plant your roots within your betrayal.

2. Know that you can carefully and slowly learn to trust again, open your heart again, and feel safe again

Depending on where you are within your betrayal, this may seem impossible — but if done carefully and slowly, it’s not.

Dr. Debi Silber

Dr. Debi Silber, founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute https://pbtinstitute.com helps people heal from the trauma of betrayal.