Rebuilding a Relationship After Betrayal

Dr. Debi Silber
4 min readFeb 7, 2023

Rebuilding a relationship after betrayal can be a challenging process. Is it possible? Yes, when both people are willing to do the hard work to recreate something new. Now, if you’re the betrayed, I can already hear you saying: “But I didn’t do anything, why should I have to do anything to create something new?”

You don’t have to do anything at all.

You can heal yourself and move along. However, if you’re willing to do your work to heal (by moving through The 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough you won’t miss any steps), you can use the trauma as a catalyst for transformation.

While rebuilding requires work on both sides, it’s also important to know that It’s not your fault that your partner made the decision to betray. That was their choice. Whatever led them to betray is for them to work through and while there may be reasons, those reasons are never an excuse for the behavior.

So while betrayal destroys the old relationship along with the rules that went with it, rebuilding (whether you’re rebuilding yourself only or rebuilding yourself and something new with the person who hurt you), it’s your opportunity to become the strongest, most confident, resilient and healed version of you because of it. It’s your opportunity to set new boundaries, decide what no longer works for you and make decisions based on what you may see so clearly now.

For the betrayer, it’s an opportunity to heal whatever led to their decisions while also rebuilding the broken heart and trust of the person or people who’ve been hurt. When you’re willing to dive in and heal what led to your choices, you have an opportunity to move through destructive emotions like shame, regret, remorse and more; helping you become someone you can respect and be proud of.

So while someone betraying you isn’t your fault, it’s definitely your opportunity.

If you’re the one who betrayed, it’s important to realize this….

If you’ve been gifted the opportunity to make things right, realize it’s a golden and precious opportunity. It’s not a given, something to be expected and certainly, not something to take advantage of. It’s an incredible second chance that needs to be taken seriously and treated with the utmost care and respect.

With that in mind, here are some steps that may help:

  1. Acknowledge the pain that’s been caused: Both parties need to…

--

--

Dr. Debi Silber

Dr. Debi Silber, founder of The PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute https://pbtinstitute.com helps people heal from the trauma of betrayal.