Should You Rebuild With the Person Who Hurt You Or Move On?

How do you know if it’s save to rebuild with someone or if it’s in your best interest to heal yourself and move on?

There’s something I teach called the Window of Willingness and here’s a brief description of it.

Imagine four levels representing where the window is the most open (level one) to gradually closing to the point it is completely closed (level 4). Now imagine a window when it’s open the widest amount. This is level one and it represents the greatest potential to heal and rebuild with the person who hurt you if you want to. Here we see deep remorse, empathy, apology and restitution. This person has completely owned what they’ve done. They are so remorseful and it may sound something like this. “I am so deeply sorry for what I did. I can’t even imagine the pain I’ve caused. What can I do to make it up to you?”

Now of course with betrayal it’s going to take a lot more than that, but you’re off to a good start if rebuilding is something you’re willing to consider. You still can walk away and you don’t have to rebuild if you don’t want to. But, if you choose to, at least there’s potential.

You can feel the window closing a bit more with this next level, level two. Level two is all about excuses. It would sound like this: “I did it because….” “I said it because…” You still may be willing to listen, but it doesn’t feel quite as good as when someone takes full and complete responsibility and ownership of their actions. Again, you…